This is all about me

Life's tough. Am I strong enough to fix myself? I didn't know there was anything wrong with me, but I've been told by a highly regarded professional that there is. It wasn't put so bluntly, however.

Lets see, where am I?

Well, I'm still a lifeguard. And I complain. Still. I've seen a hell of a lot, though. I hate/love to say I've been doing this for about 4 years now and I haven't ever had to do a major save. (knock on wood) At least I can say I like my fellow employees. The Maloney triumverate is unbeatable.

I guess I'm an anthropology major. It's not official. I am really torn about this. I don't want to go into detail, but I'm half really interested in it, and I half am really turned off by the idea of studying human beings/evolution/achaeology. I don't know why. I still have dreams of just living on a farm with a bunch of animals and horses (Kirsten? are you reading this?) In all honesty, if I got the opportunity to ride or work with horses again, I'd take it in a second. I just don't have the money to do it. I feel weird getting back into it, the last time I was on a horse must've been 10 or more years ago. Anything with animals/plants/nature would make me happy.

I'm also "unoffically" minoring in Japanese. Its getting really hard, but I love it. Maybe I could be a professional translator? If I major in linguistic anthropology and learn a bunch of languages, I think I could have a decent career. Sometimes I feel like I know so much of the language, but when I look ahead to what I still need to learn, I get really let down. Basically, if I was stuck in Japan, I'd be able to ask people about what kind of house they live in, whats in it, ect.

I'm in a weird spot in my life right now. I feel like I'm supposed to be transitioning, but I don't know what I'm transitioning from or what I'm transitioning to. I don't like to think of life in that way, either. I don't like to think there are steps or stages that need to be overcome to move on to the next part of your life. I like to think its more fluid and flexible than that. In the words of the Gallagher brothers, you've got to roll with it, I guess. I know I'll have a different outlook in things when I wake up tomorrow. My purpose and perspective are constantly changing, or so it seems.

I had a tough day. I've had a tough week. I'm pretty down, and I think I should write about some things I feel. There's so many memories from my past that are haunting me, even good memories. I miss them. There are many things that I'm happy I've put behind me, but there are many things I wish could come back. There are so many wants and desires, but I guess thats normal. Only time will tell. Tempus fugit.