Work in Progress

It's a revelation, a moment of clarity,
and I am trapped inside this moment deadlines are left to die
And I guess I am truly free.
My brain was spent I worried as I fell in knee deep
where consequences and circumstances suffocated and I could barely breathe.
And by all means, this rain should be bringing me down.
Seattle is keeping me in tune with just right now
and a song that tends to be so oddly timed.
The city is cold and miserable but I am not.
All we are is all we've started. All could be gone.

So let's begin!
I often wonder if I'll ever finish all I've started, and the answer I have found is NO!
No, I will never finish all that I have started because life is about doing, the process
And not the result. Life is about doing whether you want to or not.

My life! A constant work in progress and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Take a look back. Is that what you wanted?
Chances are that it's not what was intended to be, because it's gonna be better than everything.
Everything, you will see, comes together in it's own ironic kind of way, so live in just today.
In my eyes I hold a vision in contradiction of what once existed.

This is all about me

Life's tough. Am I strong enough to fix myself? I didn't know there was anything wrong with me, but I've been told by a highly regarded professional that there is. It wasn't put so bluntly, however.

Lets see, where am I?

Well, I'm still a lifeguard. And I complain. Still. I've seen a hell of a lot, though. I hate/love to say I've been doing this for about 4 years now and I haven't ever had to do a major save. (knock on wood) At least I can say I like my fellow employees. The Maloney triumverate is unbeatable.

I guess I'm an anthropology major. It's not official. I am really torn about this. I don't want to go into detail, but I'm half really interested in it, and I half am really turned off by the idea of studying human beings/evolution/achaeology. I don't know why. I still have dreams of just living on a farm with a bunch of animals and horses (Kirsten? are you reading this?) In all honesty, if I got the opportunity to ride or work with horses again, I'd take it in a second. I just don't have the money to do it. I feel weird getting back into it, the last time I was on a horse must've been 10 or more years ago. Anything with animals/plants/nature would make me happy.

I'm also "unoffically" minoring in Japanese. Its getting really hard, but I love it. Maybe I could be a professional translator? If I major in linguistic anthropology and learn a bunch of languages, I think I could have a decent career. Sometimes I feel like I know so much of the language, but when I look ahead to what I still need to learn, I get really let down. Basically, if I was stuck in Japan, I'd be able to ask people about what kind of house they live in, whats in it, ect.

I'm in a weird spot in my life right now. I feel like I'm supposed to be transitioning, but I don't know what I'm transitioning from or what I'm transitioning to. I don't like to think of life in that way, either. I don't like to think there are steps or stages that need to be overcome to move on to the next part of your life. I like to think its more fluid and flexible than that. In the words of the Gallagher brothers, you've got to roll with it, I guess. I know I'll have a different outlook in things when I wake up tomorrow. My purpose and perspective are constantly changing, or so it seems.

I had a tough day. I've had a tough week. I'm pretty down, and I think I should write about some things I feel. There's so many memories from my past that are haunting me, even good memories. I miss them. There are many things that I'm happy I've put behind me, but there are many things I wish could come back. There are so many wants and desires, but I guess thats normal. Only time will tell. Tempus fugit.

My Favorite

Just felt like posting some old photos I've taken over the past couple of years. I'm in a summery mood.


Can't wait to grow a nice garden again this summer! Summer 2008?


My hair! I look so different with long hair, this was only taken a few months ago!Summer 2008


Draft horse at the Durham fair, Fall 2007?


Oscar :) Spring 2007


??? beetle, Spring 2007


When I really loved art, Summer 2007


Cape Cod, my sister's footprint on the left, mine on the right, Summer 2007


My mom's flower garden, Spring? 2007?


" "


Birch tree in my backyard, Summer 2007?

one fish, two fish

Mickey is gonna have babies

Here and Now

What is your favorite food?
All kinds of sushi.
What is your favorite drink?
Cold water, or cherry/vanilla Coke/Dr. Pepper.
What is your favorite movie?
Forrest Gump
Who is your favorite actor and why?
Tom Hanks, becuase he made Forrest Gump great, and he's done an awesome job in every movie I've seen him in.
Who is your favorite actress and why?
Scarlett Johansson becuase shes the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
List your favorite colors in order from most liked to most hated:
Blue, yellow, green, red, indigo, violet
What is your favorite season?
Spring, because everything is getting greener, and flowers are blooming. Fall too, because the leaves are pretty, Halloween is my favorite holiday, and the weather is great.
What was your favorite age and why?
17. Things were easy. I was having fun and being myself. I had a blast. I went to shows and actually had fun. "dreamy 17!"
What is one personal thing most people don't know about you?
I feel a very deep, hippie-like connection with nature.
What is one funny thing most people don't know about you?
I used to tuck in my stuffed animals before I went to school so they wouldn't get cold.
What is one sad thing most people don't know about you?
I always feel inadequate.
Who is one famous person you admire and why?
Famous? No one specific. Anyone who has done something heroic I admire.
Who is one non-famous person you admire and why?
My dad. He's been through a lot. He's seen a lot. He can build a house and fix a helicopter.
Where is your favorite place to be?
On top of a mountain, in the woods, by the ocean, with friends and loved ones, or warm in my bed.
What is your favorite thing to do?
Anything as long as I'm happy.
Name ten hobbies/interests:
1)Gardening/growing plants
2)playing guitar
3)being a total video game nerd
4)hiking
5)making stuff...out of anything
6)taking photos of things and pretending like I'm going to post them on a photoblog. I will one day, I swear.
7)Taking care of/being around animals. I wish so bad I could ride horses and hang around a barn again.
8)Learning Japanese/as many languages as I can.
9)Learning a little bit about everything
10)aquariums
What is one memory you have of getting physically injured?
Breaking my leg snowboarding. Everyone's heard that story about a million times.
What is one memory you have of being embarrassed?
Running heard first into a wooden board, then falling into wet cement.
Name one song that makes you feel happy.
"Better Things" cover by the Bouncing Souls
Name one song that makes you feel sad.
"If I Were a Boy" by Beyonce, haha...gets me everytime
Name one song that gets you pumped up.
"No Apologies" by Sick of it All

Xiphphorus maculatus, Hymenochirus boettgeri

So I finally got a fishtank! I used some money I got for my birthday, so I guess this counts as my birthday present. Melanie came to the pet store with me to help pick everything out and set it all up, thanks Mel!

The tank


I got two Platys:

My mickey mouse platy, Mickey


My tuxedo platy, Phinneas


They are best friends. Or lovers, I'm not sure yet. I guess I'll find out when there are a bunch of babies swimming around.


and my three African Dwarf Frogs:

Liam


Winky


and Dexter


As for their names, Mickey's name was obvious. Phinneas because he's got a huge dorsal fin, and because I thought it'd be cute to be able to call them MickeyPhinn. Winky after Winky the frog in Donkey Kong Country, Liam after Liam Gallagher from Oasis (he's the darkest one, and is really obnoxious to the other frogs, very rockstar like) and Dexter because thats a nerdy name, and the other two frogs leave him out and treat him like he's a dork (awww)


I hope they all live. I'm attached already. I'm thinking of adding another fish, but I'm going to wait a couple of weeks to see how well the guys I already have do.