You're gonna be a shining star

So I'm putting myself out there. Thats my new motto

Here's my list of things I'm planning on doing:

-I'm going to start volunteering at the Meriden Public Library teaching people how to speak and read English. I'm actually really excited for this.

-I'm finally planning on getting on a plane to visit Kirsten in Florida this winter. I need to get over my fear and just do it already.

-Hopefully I'll have some time to help out at the humane society too, they always need people to help out, and being with animals just makes me happy!

-Gonna try to get ahead on my Japanese so I won't be struggling next semester in Japanese II

-Reconnecting with old friends. Going through what I currently am is helping me see how important friends are, and how I really DO have friends.

-Reading tons of "self help" books. Some are a little too farfetched to really help me, but some are really helpful in giving me a new perspective on life and how things work. Currently reading "The Secret" and "A New Earth" to help me through this depressing situation, and reading "Eat Pray Love" (kinda ties in with the other books) and "Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee" (my dad said it was a really good story about how the Indians were terribly mistreated when our founding forefathers were "discovering" this country.) just to keep my mind off of things.


I'm gonna be ok, I have faith. Its hard to see now, but I'm going to keep reminding myself that things will get better. It made me feel really upset with myself to hear my mom tell me that she is seeing a weakness in me, and that I'm her daughter, and she gave both her daughters all her inner strength and courage when she made us, and as human beings. I feel like I'm letting her down by not taking advantage of that strength she gave me. Its in there somewhere, I just need to catch it and hold on.

Maybe adding more to this.

Happy Thanksgiving

Things suck. I'm miserable. My inconsistent emotions are killing me. One minute I'm crying and feeling absolutely hopless, then my heart starts racing, giving me this terrible anxiety, and the next minute I can get a hold of myself and see a bright future to look forward to. I'm on/have been on a roller coaster ride, and I hate roller coasters. But my mom says this is good. She says I needed this jolt to grow and move on to another stage in my life. To get out of my comfort zone. I know shes right, but I'm scared. Everything that was so familiar is gone. Thats just another thing I'm going to have to be strong and overcome. I think I actually am going to get on an airplane to fly to Florida to see Kirsten this time....for real.


Anyways, highlight of Thanksgiving: having a great family, even if today only consisted of my mom, dad, sister, brother, and gramma. We drove by my grammy and grampy's old house on Valley View Drive. Its so different than I remember. So much smaller....but it has been at least 10 years since I've seen it. Oh, and my mom's "He showed us his dingus!" story was pretty good too :-)

"And there he was, lookin' at us in the cheval mirra! Playin' with his dingus!"

Fall in Meriden

Meriden isn't as crappy as everyone thinks it is. I took these today on a walk up to Castle Craig with Ethan! (click to make them bigger, duhhh)









































and just for fun:

SNL Presidential Debate

Loveee SNL. This had me dying, spot on hahaha

Humility...
...consider it

"In Buddhism, humility is equivalent to concern of how to be liberated from the sufferings of life and the vexations of the human mind. The ultimate aim is to achieve a state of enlightenment through meditation and other spiritual practices. Humility can also result from achieving the liberation of Nirvana. When one experiences the ultimate Emptiness and non-self, one is free from suffering, vexations and all illusions of self-deception. Humility, compassion and wisdom characterize this state of enlightenment."

Order Made, RADWIMPS

I think I must have been asked this once.
Before I was born, by someone, somewhere.

"Choose one: the past, or the future,
And I will allow you to see it.
Which will it be?
Which will it be?"

And I probably decided on the past.
So that, rather than just strong, I could become kind, become kind.
So that I could understand what memories are.

Next, that 'somebody' told me this.

"I'll give you arms and legs and mouths and ears and eyes,
Hearts and breasts and nostrils.
I'll give you two of each one.
Isn't that great?
Isn't that great?"

But then I made a request.
I said, "I'd be fine with just one mouth.
So I wouldn't argue with myself;
So I could only kiss one person."

I want to forget.
But somehow, I can't.
What do you call this kind of feeling?

Looking a little disappointed,
The person continued with his explanation.
"The hearts are most important,
So I'll put one behind each of your breasts.
Isn't that great?
Isn't that great?"
　
But, once more, I had a request to make.
"I'm awfully sorry, but to be honest,
I really don't need a heart on the right.
Sorry to keep troubling you like this.

It's so that when I find that one special person,
And hold her close to me for the first time,
Only then will I finally be able to feel
Two hearts beating, one on each side.

The left one mine, the right, yours.
The left one yours, the right, mine.
So that alone, I'll always be lacking something.
So that I won't be able to just go on living alone."

I want to forget.
But somehow, I can't.
What do you call this kind of feeling?

My chest is pounding,
Yet somehow it seems familiar.
What do you call this kind of feeling?

"Ah, that reminds me, there's one last thing.
Would you like us to add in tears as well?
You'd have no problems without them,
But some people find them annoying, so they opt out.
What would you like?
What would you like?"

In the end, I asked him to add them in.
So that, rather than just strong, I could become kind, become kind.
So I could understand what it means to hold something dear.

"Oh, while we're at it, the tears will need a flavour.
So I'd just like you to choose which one you'd prefer.
We have sour, salty, spicy, sweet.
You can choose whichever you like.
Which will you have?
Which will you have?"

Everything was put together just as requested,
So wipe those tears away and let me see your face.
Come on, show it to me with pride.

Thank you so much for everything.
Sorry to have caused you so much trouble.
But could I just ask one last thing?
"Have we met somewhere before?"

Since one

It was really great having Kirsten come visit for a few days. I wish she could've stayed longer though. It feels really good to know that even though I haven't seen her in years, things still feel the same between us, and we're still best friends. I love that even though we've been so far apart and spent half of our teenage years living different lives, it still feels like just yesterday we were playing with barbies and catching frogs in her backyard. I really hope she comes back up to Connecticut or Maine so we could see each other more. The only bad thing about her coming to visit is having to say goodbye all over again.

I have to go back to work on Thursday, which is a really hard thing for me to do. I really have a hard time doing what I do and dealing with the people I deal with. I'm absolutely dreading it. My co-workers are great, but the job is just so physically and emotionally draining. I hate to sound so negative, but aside from Kirsten coming to visit, I've had very little fun this summer. No beach, no road trips, no friends, no nothing. I really hope things can become more positive.

To all my friends: summer's not over yet, give me a call!

p.s. I STILL can't drive on the highway :-/
p.p.s. Kirsten, I PROMISE I'm coming to Maine with you as soon as possible!

"Oh the humanity!"

I seriously cannot get over how hilarious this was when I was little, and it still kills me to watch it. I'm so glad my generation got all the awesome Nickelodeon shows!

Don't mind the end where whoever made the video messed it up with a lame voice-over.



:-D

HPP

I was in the paper today with one of my students from swimming lessons!



She's only 6, she was really brave!

I feel bad Arielle didn't get in on the picture, she was in the water below us helping catch all the kids!

Picture taken from myrecordjournal.com, obviously

LOL

Activists preparing against use of 'brown note' at Dem convention

"Political activists planning protest rallies at the upcoming Democratic Convention in Denver have their stomachs in knots over a rumor about a crowd control weapon - known as the “crap cannon” - that might be unleashed against them.

Also called “Brown Note,” it is believed to be an infrasound frequency that debilitates a person by making them defecate involuntarily."


Anyone remember this episode of Southpark> where they try to slip in the brown noise into my Country Tis of Thee? hahaha well guys, I can still say that one of my goals in life is to discover the brown noise