also,

Currently:

Hydrangeas are my favorite flower
Blue is my favorite color
Cherry is my favorite flavor
Forrest Gump is my favorite movie
Ignite is my favorite band
Nintendo is my favorite thing to do when I'm bored
Art is my favorite hobby
Pineapple is my favorite fruit
Yellow squash is my favorite vegetable
Geography of Tourism is my favorite class
Spaceghetto.com is my favorite website
Traveling the world is my favorite dream
Japan is my favorite country
Piano is my favorite instrument
Dresses are my favorite item of clothing
Flowers are my favorite thing
Rob and Big is my favorite TV show
New York City is my favorite place to hate
Horses are my favorite animal
Cherry Coke is my favorite soda
Lipton Lemon Iced Tea is my favorite drink
Necklaces are my favorite accessory
Fresh air is my favorite smell
Pettit Drive is my favorite place

dumb post

I don't understand how someone can totally forget about their past. How can you never think back to how things were? Everyday I think back to when I was a little kid. I look into my backyard and remember all the forts that were built, all the games of hide and seek were played, and how many times I twisted my ankle jumping off the roof of my shed.

I always used to love the lyric from Saves the Day, "Just don't bother with the things left in your wake." Lately I haven't been feeling the same. You shouldn't dwell in your past, but you cannot forget it. The past is a hard thing. There are good times you want to remember forever, but thinking about how you can never relive them can be painful. There are also the bad times, that you never want to think about again, but they are always in your memories. A lot of this may be old news to you all, but I can't help but notice the people who pretend their past never happened. You not only need to learn from your past, but you also need to keep it with you, good and bad. When you're one hundred years old and dying, you're going to regret suppressing what you wanted to pretend never happened. For me, its harder to think about the good times being gone, rather than the bad times that I've had. I wish(hope?) some of my friends think about their past with me as much as I do, because I miss it more than anything lately, and although I can never get it back, I just want to have the comfort that the future with them is going to be just as great. I feel like I need to get over my past, but never forget the things that have happened. Maybe I just haven't grown up yet.

19, nineteen, XIX

I turned 19 today. I wish I was turning an epic age, but I guess I've got one more year until I've been around for 2 decades. I woke up around 10, and Aaron and Melanie stopped by. They made me some birthday brownies and cookies, which were awesome! Ethan came over later and he brought me all red starburst (my fav!) and he stuffed my mailbox FULL of orange tictacs (also one of my favs, just like in Juno! <333) He said he's got something else to give me, but that I'll have to wait until next week. We hung around for a while and watched my brother's Rob and Big DVDs until he had to leave to go back to school. My uncle and grandma ate dinner with me and the rest of my family, and overall it was a great birthday. I didn't make a wish when I blew out the candles because I think I'm going to save that wish for when I really need it, whenever that may be.

My fish Marcel died today. It was really strange too, because Ethan got him for me as a birthday gift exactly 2 years ago. I hope hes reincarnated as something with a more fulfilling life other than a poor betta fish that just sits in a bowl all day. I loved him, he really kept me company as lame as it sounds, and I have to admit I may have cried a little when I realized he was gone. Oh well, RIP Marcel, I'll miss ya buddy.

Now I've got to figure out what homework is due tomorrow that I have neglected all weekend. Ugh, I'm so bummed about being back at school, my classes are pretty boring and pointless to me in my opinion. I'm having a pretty hard time adjusting to my new sleep schedule, but I'm super stoked that I'm actually being producitve and doing things with the whole day, instead of sleeping it away.

Dane Cook is on Comedy Central tonight, and even though I've seen it before, I'm looking forward to watching it again. I don't care if he steals his jokes and is overrated, hes damn good at presenting his jokes, and I like him!

I've eaten enough sugar/candy/cake/cookies/brownies today to give me diabetes, and I'll be lucky if I'm still alive tomorrow. I think I'm gonna go brush my teeth haha.


Also, happy birthday Mozart!

Felix dies natalis mihi

Happy birthday to me. 19 years ago I was born, sweet.

sick!

I've been ridiculously sick the past 4 days. I had a fever of 103+ and I was delusional, HA. It sucked. Horrible sore throat that finally let up tonight. Worst body aches of all time, but I think I'm over it.( I hope?!)

School starts in a week,(boo!) but I'm excited for my Biology and Geography of tourism class. Im not excited for my 8 AM labs on Thursdays (or is it Tuesdays?) but I'll deal, cause its bio, and I love science!

My birthday is on the 27th; only a few more weeks until I'm 19. Its not much of a milestone like 18 was, or 20 and 21 will be, but I'm excited to be 19. It feels so much different than 18, I feel little more grown up...at least I think thats how I'll feel. Wish me a happy birthday on the 27th!


I'm still getting over this sickness, and its making me nuts. I've been stuck in my room for 4 days straight, basically laying in bed watching tv all day. I watched a marathon of "How its Made" yesterday, so I'm basically an encyclopedia on how to make things ranging from gas grills to airless tires to oars. I've also seen way too many "whos the father" Maury episodes for my liking.

I actually feel like sleeping for once in the past 5 days, so naturally I'm going to lay in bed and watch TV til 3 am. I have a ridic urge to play Pokemon Yellow on my gameboy, and I think I will for old time's sake. I also feel like brushing up on the minimal Japanese I know, so maybe I'll do that until 3 am instead of TV, although its not likely.


7 days until a new (and hopefully better) semester starts. I want to be 19, but I want to be young forever. Goodnighttt

aplacecalledhome

Standing outside looking over a place called home,
I couldn't stay.
Leaves have fallen, wind keeps blowing colder,
winter's on its way.
My bags are packed, the car is waiting,
my greatest fear you left alone.
Once again my life sweet darling,
I've made my bed, it's time to roam.

Long live freedom where I come from,
place that I call home.
Standing outside, saying goodbye,
it tears me up to go.

Thousand miles oceans between us, I think about her everyday.
This plane rides long, these wheels keep rolling,
I call to see if she's OK.
It's dark and lonely all by herself,it tears me up to walk away.
This time my sweet Nagyi darling, I pray I'll see you once again.

Long live freedom where I come from,
place that I call home.
Standing outside, saying goodbye,
it tears me up to go.

lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove

Its going to suck going back to school...only 4 weeks until winter break!



Also, its my sister's 24th birthday today, happy birthday Megan! <3

Scylla and Charybdis

I have nothing to say lately. I'm the most unmotivated person I know. I hardly ever do the thigns I used to. I used to play guitar everyday, but I rarely play it at all now. I used to draw all the time, but I can never get motivated. I used to be athletic, but now that swimming is over for good, I'm gaining weight. all I do is sleep my life away. School is such a waste to me right now. The classes I'm taking are worthless (I didn't get to pick my classes fist semester) Of course I want to be in school, but I don't want to be taking classes that have to no worth to my major (I don't even know what thats going to be! ugh) I'm debating between majoring in biology, art, or something else similar to those two. I hate this though, because biology and art don't have much in common. Even my advisor said I was in between a rock and a hard place. Whatever, I'll just become a tattoo artist and do crappy tattoos out of my room for $30 each for the rest of my life.

I really love art a lot. Every piece of art I create has my everything put into it. I spend a lot of time and effort on the things I do. I love photograpgy, I love graphic arts, I want to be involved with that. I also want a stable career that I'll be able to have fun with.....but then again, I also love biology. I love animals, I love nature. I love the environment and I want to help it. I want to study plants and animals and life in general. I don't know what I want; I don't know whats best...

I want to stay here forever, in my room, in my house, in Meriden, Connecticut....but I also I want to see the whole world. I want to live in Japan, I want to go all over Europe. I want to see the Amazon River. I want to see the castles in Scotland. I want to know what it feels like to be feet away from a lion in the African deserts. I want to see war torn Iraq, and visit the islands of the Bahamas. I want to see the Australian outback. I want to see it all. But I'm scared. I'm scared to leave home. I'm scared to fly on a plane. I'm scared to be alone, or lost. I'm scared of the unknown.

I hate the typical college lifestyle of parties and drinking and smoking and beer pong and sex and drugs and rock and roll. I'd rather do nothing than go to a party. I haven't made very many friends at CCSU, but thats mostly because all the people I do meet there are "ridiculous party animals" and would never want to spend a Friday night hanging out with me sober. I miss my highschool friends that I used to see everyday. I miss the past. I miss skating with Amanda and making videos of ourselves dancing. I miss her all the time even though shes right down the street. I miss Kirsten and building forts in her basement and sleepovers, and going down to the swamp to catch frogs. I miss her a lot too. Its hard to see someone who you've known forever move across the country. I miss riding bikes up at Holy Angels with Mike, swimming in his pool and going on adventures. But they've all moved on with the paths that their lives have taken, and I suppose I have too. It sucks though, because it seems as though the three best friends I grew up with that had such an impact on my life are pretty much gone now. I have hope to salvage one of these friendships, but its hard to be optimistic about it. I just hope she reads this and sees how much I care about her and I want her in my life again, and how I wish that we could go back to that summer a few years ago, where everything was perfect, and all we did was skateboard (or try at least), take late night swims in your pool, make videos, play nintendo, try to get me a boyfriend (it worked...twice!) and just be best friends.


I just gave Oscar a bath, he was really smelly. My room is a mess, but I don't feel like cleaning it. I want to play Nintendo, but I can't decide which Zelda game is calling for me. Its a saturday night, and I'm pathetic, but I don't care.


-Kaitlyn

He lives in (out of) a garbage can

Dear Oscar,

Stay out of my room. Why do you want to eat my garbage? Why are paper plates your favorite thing to snack on? Why do you love to spread garbage all over the house? How come you're smart enough to open the drawer with the bread in it? Why do you eat used tissues (ew), week old garbage (ew), and out of the cat's litter box (ew)? How come you are so cute but you smell so bad? How is it possible that I hate you so much, but I love you more than anything at the same time?





-Kaitlyn

Myspace? Nah, just regular space

I love space. I love the universe. If I wasn't so bad at math, I'd absolutely be an astronomer, or an astrophysicist or a cosmologist. I love to just sit outside at night and look at all the stars. It kinda makes me feel sick to think about how enormous the universe is. Is is infinite or finite? If it is finite, what happens when you get to the "end"? Does it just stop? If it's infinite, how can that be? Does it change? There is absolutely without a doubt that there is life -initelligent life for that matter- throughout the universe. The earth's size and place in our galaxy is so insignifigant to everything else out there, so there must be lifeforms elsewhere. The earth is so small compared to everything else, we might as well just not exisit at all.

This gif was posted in a Livejournal community that I belong to, make sure you watch the whole thing!:

[I tried to resize it to fit, but photobucket is being lame, so heres the original gif in the LJ post if you want to see it fullsized: CLICK!]




Some people raised some interesting points in their comments in regards to this:

"and, of course, you can shrink that just as small as well. Its all in perspective. Such is the scope of reality."

"Well, I realized that nothing I ever do will ever have any effect on anything."

"Since the Sun's about 4-5 billion years old, that means that best current estimates are that the Sun's halfway through its lifespan now. If we humans make it out of our first 100,000 years or so of our existence to last that many billions of years, we'll have figured out how to go elsewhere by then.And the hugeass stars aren't supernovas. Supernovas are when hugeass stars reach the end of their lives and go BOOM. Novas are when less-than-hugeass stars go BOOM. The Sun isn't big enough to even make a nova; it'll just swell from its current diameter of about 1.4 million km to become a red giant of about 140 million km, and then shrink to become a white dwarf. But even as a red giant, it won't be near as big as those hugeass stars in the animation; picture the red-giant Sun as somewhere between Aldebaran and Betelgeuse." -credit goes to arthur_sc_king

So I guess this raises many questions. I could go on and on about intergalactic phenomena, (black holes,ftw!) but I digress.

Whats the meaning of life? If we are this small, how could we possibly have a purpose in the whole scheme of things? My best guess is that the meaning of life is just to live, however, I am not a very religious person, so I do not believe that everything was created by "god" (although when things like this are so hard to explain, its almost hard to not turn to a god and think that he/she/it created it all.) I feel like life is here on earth is a fluke in some ways, that we just sorta happened, kinda like the universe "just sort of happened," according to the Big Bang Theory.

This also raises more questions. What was around before the Big Bang? What caused the Big Bang to happen? Why did it happen when it did? Did the Big Bang really happen?
It is just a theory afterall.

I can't talk about this anymore, makes me have anxiety haha

-Kaitlyn